A Dichotomy of Contradiction and Confliction

As with any situation, a dichotomy of sorts exists that allow for both contradiction and confliction. From an inital perspective, one could regard my life with the many gifts, insights, and opportunities I was provided. Unfortunately the very source of the above endowments could have also attributed to the various aspects of my life I am attempting to explore through this blog.
I was adopted by a single woman, of caucasion descent; through an open adoption from a Filipino family of ten. I was the ninth child, but the only one given up for adoption. I was raised overseas in both Okinawa, Japan and Heidelberg, Germany within military communities from the age of five months. I met and married a soldier and remain in Heidelberg. While I am a naturalized US citizen, I am very much a foreigner to US culture and society. I spent 9 months in college in the states and the culture shock was so profound I ultimately retunred to Heidelberg for, what I thought at the time, good. However, I am neither Japanese nor German- nor do I feel any cultural or national connection/similarity with them. In fact, I grew up with a very significant absense of any clear cut definition of identity. As any adolescent searches for their niche, clique, or place among the world in which they ultimately belong; however, my search proved long and futile. Instead I ended up with more questions than I started with... and no where in which to find the answers.
Please do not take me the wrong way- I fully love my life, the way it has ended up and all the tirals and tribulations that shaped, guided and pushed me to where I am today. Nontheless... a very large void still exists within my soul. A void that few if any can fully understand or even begin to empathize with. If any of you are out there... I would love to know what you think, feel, and any questions that may have plagued you, as so many have plagued me for as long as I can remember...